Author: Peter

Feelings of constraint came on strong today. The skies are filled with smoke, a grim shade of amber and gray. It’s been this way so long now I’m beginning to wonder what a clear day looks like. Having coffee I picked up the conversation with myself that never seems to end. It’s actually more like a running commentary than a conversation. “Oh man I don’t feel like doing anything today. Look at the sky. It’s the middle of the day and we have to have the lights on it’s so dark. I can’t breathe outside. I can’t go anywhere or do anything. Covid was bad enough but this is just too much. What’s the point of even getting out of bed.” Then I realize I’m one of the lucky ones. My house hasn’t burned down. My wife and I are not sick with Covid. No one in my family is. It’s hard to imagine what those kind of losses must be like. I wondered how people get through things like that.

It came to me that the ones who do make it through don’t do it alone. I thought about my belief system; that we’re really all one; there is no separation between us. Even when we’re separated by fires and pandemics we want to be connected. At that moment I decided to call an old family friend I had lost touch with years ago. I was close with the whole family. I found Wendy’s number and called.

“Peter Collins, Wow, I’m so glad you called.” She said. “Yeah it’s great to hear your voice too. How are you?” “Oh, I don’t know where to start. Did you know Michael passed away?” “Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Michael was her husband. He was a film maker, videographer, and community activist. I used to work with him and considered him a mentor. Wendy shared the story. Michael was hit by a car on his bike. It happened in February. I listened to her share her feeling of loss. She mentioned their kids who I was close with too. We talked about old times at their house. She said the house was in need of a lot of work.
“I can help you with that.” I said.
“That would be fantastic” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know.” “Don’t worry about it. We’re on the phone together now. That’s what counts.”
“Yes, thank you.” She said.

In that moment I was moved and inspired.  The smoke, the pandemic, the sadness I felt for not getting to see Michael before he died; that all just melted away. All of this because I created the possibility of connection with someone who I had given up on. By making that call I made a difference in her life and her kid’s lives. It was so uplifting for me. My challenge to you is think of someone in your life that you can call and make a difference in their life. Don’t plan what you’re going to say. Don’t’ get attached to an outcome. No matter how long it’s been since you’ve talked, leave your expectations behind and make the call with an open mind. Be prepared to get in their world. Its amazing what can happen when you reach out to someone simply because you want to connect with them.

Yes is one of the most powerful words that ever lived. Just by saying the word yes we create agreements and alliances. Groups of people operating with a common purpose. With this in mind I believe yes is a great place to start. In fact yes is the place where everything starts. If somebody didn’t say yes I wouldn’t be here and neither would you. There would be no roads, bridges, marriages, schools, nations, books, and on and on.

Have you ever considered that yes can be present even if it remains unspoken? Have you ever met someone and found yourself agreeing with most everything they said? Do you have friends who have an uncanny ability to have other people agree to do whatever they ask? If the answer is yes then consider the possibility that yes is not just a word people say when they agree. Yes is a point of view, a way of being. Being a yes means it’s in your eyes, your smile, your body language. It’s with you when you walk into the room, unless of course you forgot to bring it with you. Then yes becomes elusive, out there somewhere, like a snow tiger or a girlfriend (or boyfriend as the case may be).

Being a yes can be easy in some circumstances. Doing things we love with people we like to hang out with for example. In these situations being a yes comes so naturally that we don’t even notice it. We just do what we do and things seem to work out fine. What I’m proposing is that there is something to notice, but you have to look. When you find it you can take it and expand it into other parts of your life. The parts that don’t work as well as you would like them to. How often have you asked for a raise and the voice in your head had 101 reasons why you wouldn’t get it? How often have you wanted to ask someone on a date and that voice showed up with another list of reasons why it probably wouldn’t happen. This is how it was for me until I realized the point of view I walked into a situation with was dictating the outcome. Then I realized I had a choice in the matter. I could be the cheerful confident engaging person I want to be regardless of the situation. It was about who I was being when I walked into the room, before I ever opened my mouth. When I think of asking a friend to go for a hike or go see a movie I’m already living into that becoming a reality. It’s happened before and I just know it’s going to happen again. That’s the person I challenge myself to be every day. What does it take to do it? Practice, patience, perseverance and the willingness to fail. Believe in yourself. Look for the victories, big and small. Don’t sweat the failures. They’re just opportunities.

An important thing to remember is that yes is not about getting your way, it’s about being in agreement. In order to be in agreement it has to work for everybody involved. Start with that kind of Yes. You won’t be disappointed.